anticipation

my hands are shaking, my heart complains meekly,
minute-by-minute, hourly, weekly, monthly, yearly,
lifetime by lifetime this waiting will pass over,
through, around, like water
passing a sunken submarine,
too deep, too lonely for even the sharks.
thinking, hoping, eagerly checking
my phone, refreshing my browser,
thinking, thinking, thinking,
that the history of the greatest man
is shorter than that of a grain of sand,
thinking, thinking, praying to gods
that no longer exist, thinking,
how loud my feet are tapping, how
badly this could go, how triumph
lies at the other side of this gulf, how
failure will strand me here.

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