‘Dating App Profile’

(yes it’s on my birth certificate)
I’m a Capricorn, and an INTP
Though that means nothing much to me,
I hate the winter but love snow and
I’ve never seen your favorite show and
I know too much about Ohio’s plovers and
in an hour I picked thirteen four-leaf-clovers and
I go to museums and look real sad and
can’t help the feeling i’m doing bad and
dating me’s like dating a wall that’s
two feet wide and miles tall.

I was a genius once, or something close and
all I seem to eat is toast and
I go to a job five times a week and
when I come home, I sometimes sleep and
I think I say ‘I’ too much and
my use of ‘and’, and ‘like’, and ‘such’
Is, like, such a bad habit and
my lines hop like a limping rabbit.

I’m sure I’ve lost you by this line
but why stop now when there’s still time?
I feel like nobody relates to me
It’s diagnosable, probably,
I like nothing and want very little and
when I read out loud I spray some spittle and
I’ve been cracked over life’s big knee but
the cracks are small and the glue is free.

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